Here again, you are conflating things. Previously, it was assuming everyone who shares skin color with a group that is/was oppressors, must themselves be oppressors. Now you write, “If individual men start raising their hands and saying “hey, don’t blame me, I’m one of the good ones!”, how far will we ever get? If ALL men don’t take responsibility, what men will”? Here you conflate “blame” and “responsibility”. I am not to blame for the historical conditions created by a group that shares my skin color or gender, but that does not mean I shouldn’t take responsibility for the advantages it has given me and work toward resolving present-day injustice. It is human nature, however, not to like being blamed for things unjustly and it will result in alienating precisely the people in power who you want to work for your purpose. My point is that racial/gender stereotypes are unproductive, regardless of the direction. By your statement, you also raise the notion of collective guilt associated with a group. Where that leads is a history lesson for another day.

My point here is that you can complain if someone won’t help put out the fire and maybe try to persuade them to help. But, if you accuse them of setting the fire, they are likely to walk away.

Thankfully, the reasonable majority of people don’t share your views and approach. For example, you wrote, “you are not being stereotyped *by women*. You are being stereotyped *because of other men* who DO treat women like shit, even though you don’t”. So, I am not being stereotyped by women. Yes, I agree that is generally true. You say that I AM being stereotyped, however. Then by whom? The answer is that I am being stereotyped by you and a tiny percentage of intellectuals who follow a narrow radical feminist fringe. You’re not articulate enough to be one of them, but it appears to me that you have had some exposure to the distorted post-modernist worldview endemic in the academy. In reality, the majority recognizes that there is a problem with how some men treat women and we need to fix it. But, generally, people don’t “blame” all men for doing it or even enabling it. Mainstream feminism is the bulwark of that effort and I consider myself one of them. Men and women are equal and should be treated equally. It’s not a blame game. There is no aggrandizement of victimhood. We should not seek the “satisfaction of being oppressed” to paraphrase your comments. There is no satisfaction in being oppressed.

To drive home the point, let’s just swap “black” for men. Using your logic then, it would be OK that black people are being stereotyped because of other black people who do bad shit. Yes, that happens, but in this case, we’d both agree that it is wrong for people to do this stereotyping and it is the person holding the stereotype who needs to be fixed, not the black people who don’t do bad shit. Your assertion that it is OK to stereotype when it is straight white men will not win over straight white men, who you yourself say are needed to produce the change we want. That is not what is meant by punching up.

And finally, you seem to compare the women’s movement with racial oppression. Certainly, the historical western patriarchy has resulted in some present-day oppression of women. But there is oppression of men just as much in contemporary society. Seems like you recognize this to some extent. But, let’s not equate this with racial oppression, and in particular that of African Americans. This is a popular trope in misguided radical feminist circles. There is no comparison between the oppression of Black Americans and women. Not historically. Not currently. Please do not be a free rider on someone else’s struggle. I mention this because you keep injecting whiteness into a gender discussion. And straightness for that matter.

Though I think we agree on desired outcomes, where we differ is in our methods to achieve that. What I hope you will reconsider is your desire to establish opposing groups, then blaming everyone in the one group for the collective oppression of the other group. Whether by sex, race, origin, religion, age or whatever the use of stereotypes to accomplish this end always leads to tears. It is a tactic of fascism when taken to the extreme.

I hope you’ll favor instead, the methods of Mandela, Gandhi, and King; who achieved their goals by uniting, not blaming and dividing. Don’t point a finger of blame at a whole group. Instead, call out bad acts and bad actors. Make examples of them. Hold up a mirror. What people can see for themselves is much more powerful than your accusations against anyone who shares physical characteristics with the perpetrators.

Some final thoughts for you to consider: You wrote “… being oppressed and fighting for your rights is the dominant trend nowadays, I’m sure [straight white men] feel like they have no place in modern popular (and liberal/Dem) culture”. I’m not sure where this comes from. My guess is some activist professor, but it is totally wrong. I lived through apartheid, the civil rights movement, the Vietnam war. If you think this is bad now, it ain’t nothing like it was. And, for your information liberal democracy started in predominately white patriarchy before either of us was born. I’m sure a lot of millennials think they invented that too.

So, I don’t think I “win” by acknowledging I am a straight white male and part of the “problem group”. Do you believe that as a woman your victimhood gives you the right to expect this of me? Then just being gay means I’m a victim too, right, and that changes everything?

Thanks for engaging. I hope you see this as my attempt to persuade you, not attack you. Take it for what it’s worth.

By the way, I’m not clear on this statement: “(Also why does it seem like you can’t reply to comments on the computer website? I have to type this all on my phone but it would be so much easier on the computer)”. I write on Medium using Chrome on a Mac, but regardless, whatever method I use to post should have no bearing on how you have to respond.

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