“If someone says they are a man and they’re wearing full Victorian dress with hoops in their skirt and lips as red as blood, you use he/him to refer to them”.
Obviously, in this case, they should not be sad or offended. The other 99.99% of people are just not going to change how they address people to always use gender-neutral ways of addressing people. That’s just fantasy.
Now, if this person who looks very much like a woman, wearing a dress no less, tells me they are actually a man, I will refer to them as they wish. It certainly doesn’t hurt anyone for me to be polite and respectful.
However, if this person says I have to, that option for me is removed. I have a right to be a jerk and refer to anyone in any way. If someone insists I don’t exercise my right, I am forced to do so in order not to lose that right.
Now, I understand there might be civil consequences, but given the person is in a dress and demanding that they control my speech, I will happily see them in court. In a more borderline case, I might have to refer to them as, “Hey you”, depending on the jurisdiction.
OK, not really for me personally. I wouldn’t do that. I’m playing devil's advocate.
BUT, this militant approach you are taking to changing society is just creating a backlash. Don’t create these rediculous scenarios to goat people. People who would be more sympathetic are digging in their heels. It is working against us. I know it is hard to be patient, but the wrong approach will make it take longer.