If you were really white for a day, you might be disappointed.

I like your literary technique, but the addition of hyperbole has resulted in a lot of your white readers taking objection. They don't relate because they don't experience some of the privileges you ascribe.

Obviously, you have never been white for a day, but I assume you don't really believe that the white experience is so perfect.

If you had stuck to a more realistic presentation, you could have held on to your credibility. For example, instead of saying you got the table you wanted, you could have said you were not seated somewhere out of sight.

My critique: your piece had potential, but missed the mark.

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