Jas, obviously someone needs to be polite first as someone is always the first to speak. There is nothing in my sentence structure that implies the trans-person speaks first or needs to be polite first. This is not a matter of perspective in reading, it is a matter of grammar. You are reading into the sentence something that is not there. It isn’t logical to assume I meant the trans-person needs to be polite first. It is a reading comprehension mistake to think I did. This is the stuff of SAT questions. Anyway, I assure you that I did not mean that the trans-person needs to be polite before someone should be polite to them. That rule applies to everyone equally.

No, I am not trans. But, I am not a typical cis person in that I have a trans family member (an in-law), many close trans-friends, had trans-employees, etc. I am very sensitive to trans issues, to put it mildly, and to be a good ally I do devote a lot of time to understanding.

I’m particularly interested in how different cultures relate to trans experiences. I’m also concerned about the how the recent surge in trans-activism in the west is negatively impacting the lives of the majority of trans-people. This is why I commented on this article. My thinking is more aligned with Rose of Dawn or Blair White. They are certainly not intellectuals, but I have not found one who is that I tend to agree with. Too much intersectionality complicating things and the gender-studies types tend to be the activists who I think are getting it wrong.

To be clear, I am a white, cis, straight male. So, when I write I am doing so as a reporter of observations, not as someone who has had the experience directly. That’s why I am interested in what you have to say.

I read your article. I’ve seen your experience. To not want a haircut by you because you are trans is indeed transphobic. Breaks my heart to read it. It is similar to racism.

Having a deep voice as a women is literally a physical handicap culturally. You can just use a deep voice and hope the world will get used to it or you can train your voice, which isn’t easy. Getting the world to change to where the pitch of your voice doesn’t matter will be harder, though. It is good that you are going to work on that. Think of it like learning to read braille if you are blind. Just as our written language is a cultural construct created by the dominance of the sight-privileged, the world will not all change to braille because some people are blind. Likewise, the expectation of the presentation of a women or man is not going to change because some people are trans. Culturally we will evolve to accommodate and perhaps some laws (analogous to ADA) to help push the change faster.

Thanks for sharing. As usual, I learned something.

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