Videos of transpeople being accidentally misgendered by someone in a polite way, then having a tantrum, are almost a meme on social media. I don’t know why you infer from my sentence that the trans person need to be polite first. Everyone needs to be politer first.
In other words, it is sometimes the misgendered trans-person who goes out of polite mode first.
Again, my point is that society is not going to adapt to them. It is delusional to think otherwise.
Gender dysphoria is often accompanied by insecurities and other emotional problems. Consider the suicide rates. Insisting that society change is not going to help trans people. Learning to cope like my friend did at the checkout counter will lead to a better outcome.
That's not say we can't all learn to cope with each other. If I have any doubt at all about how someone wants to be addressed, I just ask, "how should I address you". This even works on the phone.
To your example, is it people assume you are a man only after you speak? I ask because based on your photo, even if you have a deep voice you obviously want to present as a women and I can’t imagine someone using male gendered words with you unless they are the asshole you mention. Once a day is a lot of assholes. Sorry to hear that, but I have not lived in the US since long before Trump.
Anyway, if you respond, “please address me as Ms. Martinez” and they do, what is the problem? No one is impolite and no one is transphobic, except the asshole who doesn’t refer to you as Ms. But if you refer to him as “asshole” I don’t think you can ask for him to be polite. That’s my point.
Beside the point, but worth mentioning, is that trans people are different from each other, just like everyone else, as I am sure you know. Take my friend. She couldn’t be socialised as a male. She is muslim. Many tried, but it just wasn’t possible. She would have died first and almost did. Today, she is one of the most level-headed and well adjusted people I know. She is someone everyone goes to for life advice. She was too poor to consider anything except black-market hormones until her boyfriend paid for some surgery in her 30’s. If Riley Black had some friends like her, I don’t think she’d feel the need to write this article on Medium.